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Ipse_Dixit said:

Usually that is when I just write everything out and give it to her. But I can't do that forever.

Currently, I'm on planned break from therapy. Though Judy was somewhat "mixed" on me going on this break for fear I may regress or may end up dead. But thus far I think I'm okay. I might be regressing some, however, because I feel like emotionally I'm becoming complacent. (This is despite what my logical mind writes out here about my "transference" issues). I'm just getting used to being alone again and thinking, "what is the point of going back to therapy again? I am alone and have no relationships, but I've done it so long that I'm used to it. It is what I know and what is familar and safe...and I can't see it hurting me or anyone else. "

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I'm sorry you are in pain. So 'Judy' is aware then of your feelings but in writing and not verbally? I'm with you. I once wrote my T a six page letter and even in the letter, I wasn't completely honest but pretty much.

I get the same feelings as you when I need to say something about the attachment... very nervous, sick feeling and tingly. You are not alone and I hope you return to therapy. Think of it as your gift to you. That is what I try to do when it gets hard...