hey all,

The dissociation due to this illness is crippling me. Though i have other traits and behaviors of BPD which often run rampant, but this feeling is really disturbing to me. Now i know to some point all of us daydream, i know i started very young. And i know due to an abusive upbringing i would just escape into my own little world. I remember thinking at 15 that i would grow out of it when I was older. I am now 26 and i am constantly living in my head. I dont know i guess its somewhere that i can be who i want and have what i want and everyone loves me. When I was younger I had control over when i day deamed or "escaped", now it just feels like i have no control at all. I lose gaps of time and i dont know what happen. Like yesterday I went to KFC , stopped at the first window ordered then paid. Then i drove straight past the second window not collecting my food and i didnt realize until i pulled up in my driveway. I was so embaresed i couldnt go back and get my dinner so i had a can of tuna and a cigarette . These kind of things are happening all the time, ill find myself somwhere and not know what it is i am meant to be doing. I was just wondering if many other people have experiences like this, do you find it hard to stay in reality ?

Anyway thanks for reading