I don't know what to think about this. As of right now I want to lose control of myself and commit suicide. Why would I want to say some pledge? I don't want to give up the possibility of getting something I've wanted since I was 15. (even if the desire is/was on and off) Perhaps I can think about trying, trying is so much easier than pledging, and there is less anxiety about not following through. I don't want to pledge to keep myself safe for 24 hours because I don't want that. (and because I know I will be safe in the next 24 hours) So instead of pledging, I will just say that I will try to look for something better to do or think about for the next 24 hours.

Sorry, I guess I'm just not ready to join the club.

Sorry, I guess that was a negative post.

Sorry for squishing the positive flow, I guess I'm just a big bad rain cloud.

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