One of my personal theories is, if there's a god(s), S/He/It/They started life and the world, but does not interfere in life. If there's a Heaven, what gets us there is how we treat others (regardless of how they treat us) and how we react to the things that happen to us. Mind you, it's only a theory, and not something I personally believe.

I think people want an explanation so badly, that sometimes they make their beliefs fit like a puzzle, even if it really doesn't make any sense. When they get what they pray for, they claim that proves prayer works. When they don't, they say that sometimes God says no. But I have a hard time accepting that, when adults who said that, as kids, they prayed Daddy or Uncle Bill wouldn't come in their bedroom and rape them again that night, but it kept happening. Michael Savage on the radio last night, whom I always thought was pro-religion and thought God to be good, surprised me when he talked about a friend who was dying of cancer, despite all the treatments (including chemotherapy), and this is a man, he says, "who didn't do a wrong thing in his life," went to church and was very Christian, and Michael Savage said that God screwed him over. He said he thinks God intervenes sometimes, but many times, He just lets people and animals suffer.

I'm really sorry for your loss and suffering.