Quote:
Originally Posted by rosewoodgirl
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almost two years of knowing him,
Maybe stupid me thought that if I didn't pull his arm on the subject, he would grow to like me more than a friend.
In the past I made subtle hints of liking him more than a friend which I think he chose to ignore.i
I just about did anything to make him happy. I listened to his problems when he had them.I tried to show compassion. I even gave him money once. I clung on to him like he was the only guy in the world for me.
It wasn't always like this. When we first met, I didn't really find him all that attractive. I was just drunk and he was there to comfort me.
After the first night we met. I didn't really want to be with him again. I ignored his messages until he left me alone. Then after a month of noticing weird symptoms. I was in denial of my pregnancy.
But I wish I could take it b back honestly.
The guilt, regret and constant nightmares.
When I'm happy, I think to myself you stupid cow, how can you be happy after what you have done.
It's basically torn me up emotionally.I wanted so bad for him to care. But he hasn't. .
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It's not really to say that he has or has not cared, it's that he didn't do it how you'd like him to. We cannot expect to get what we want, if we just stand by and try to be what we believe others want us to be, to get them to like us, love us, care for us.
I see numerous negative self speaking adjectives, that you've used to describe yourself. Building a healthy self esteem, might be beneficial for you. Addressing not that you have as you've described a drinking problem, but why you drink to where it's problematic. If you feel you are behaving in stalking ways, addressing the habitual compulsion to check out his Facebook and subsequently tormenting yourself, because you aren't part of his life.
How'd you meet him, initially?
Did the doctor mention why you were having such pain, in pregnancy? Are you addressing the underlying health issues that cause pain? I'm sure, with the drinking, it was probably safer for your angel? Noone expects to get pregnant from just the first time with someone nor typically first attempt at conception either.
You seem to want what most people typically want..to be cared for, loved, a companion. ..
Sometimes when what we've been doing isn't giving us results we want, time to make life changes.
Get out, find a hobby, make new friends. When we focus on our own identity, it's easier to bring that as a depth to any relationship. Less needing others to fulfill our lives, more adding them in, to complement our lives..two whole people make a whole relationship. .
When do you start meetings?