I think being as honest as possible is a good idea. I know it's scary to think about losing your quick escape, but it could also open a door to some serious healing (hugs). I'll be thinking of you today. I don't know you too well, but from what I have read lately I can relate a lot. I know you are in pain, but you are taking the steps you need to get better. If you do end up inpatient, and it doesn't seem to help, advocate (or have h or t advocate for you) to get someplace that does help. And maybe after that take the vacation (I'm worried that, if you have the same thought patterns I do, you may take the vacation as an opportunity to attempt. I really would be saddened to hear that). So please be as safe as possible and take a risk on letting those around you help you through this. You are so worth it!