You are being manipulated and emotionally abused into staying, you have been conditioned to think you need him to survive. It happens.

I believe in vows too, but I doubt the "worse" pertains to "even though I disrespect you or treat you like shyt"... I'm sure its more about experiencing the hard stuff in life and sticking together through it all. Hard stuff like health problems, financial difficulties, family issues, relationship hurdles.

But what do I know? I didn't invent those vows, but that's how I interpret them.

I'm really sorry you feel so helpless and so hopeless.