A general reply to this thread is that although I have identified many of the borderline's traits, my defenses & anxieties about healthy boundaries have not changed for a very long time so that I know I have to get T for the specific and underlying causes for these long entrenched defenses. I understand what you are saying, misterunderstood....although I don't respond exactly like that, in general I think you hit on a symptom and that is wanting others or someone at certain times and/or junctures in our experiences, to feel the pain either they caused us or something or someone else did in the past. The way I diffuse these thoughts is being mindful of what is going on with me in response to someone or some situation and to try to maintain some objectivity about it. For instance, this state refused to extend my renewal auto registration because they wrote I missed an app't. last year sometime, however, after getting all upset that I did have the emissions test done, and remembered it was a computer glitch in the car that had to be reset and the testing center must have made a note of that in their shared computer with the state, I have to just march down there tomorrow, after a cooling off period, and calmly reason with them that I should not have to pay for the emissions test again, because they said the car's computer system had to reset itself after so many miles. Fighting over not getting ripped off about a bill is something I'm always vigilant about, but I suspect after reading these posts and considering my borderline traits, I'd better do something about resetting my reactions by getting down to when, how and why these later patterns of coping developed. I panic over anything I cannot control and figure that is a symptom...always needing to be in control but why?
Suspect this can be traced back to something specific which got ingrained in my behavior and reactions. I hope someone can make sense of this, because I know it takes work, work, work to change psychological responses or conditions. Have a great day, let me know, anyone, if you can relate to something i've written.

Peace,
"help.................."