Quote:
Originally Posted by healingme4me
Sorry soccerdad, I personally view it as emotional infidelity. She, the OP in midst of excusing behavior that to her damages the relationship. This isn't judging his past behavior, it's in the here and now. She states she's been open and upfront about her discomfort.
Her T raises a very valid point and her bf is man enough to end it...very commendable.
It will take some work on OP's part to move past, won't be overnight. Involves a sense of betrayal. But, again, her bf said he'll stop communication, perhaps, something nagged at him, a sense of discomfort?
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And it is exactly that way of thinking which causes dishonesty in relationships. You should never make your partner choose you over a friend regardless of the background (cheating aside). What happens if he develops a new relationship with a cute co-worker? A gay friend? An attractive neighbor? The fact is there are people that we will all find threatening that will develop (friendly) relationships with our partners. If you are not secure enough to handle that then you should not be in a relationship until you can accept the fact that men and women can just be friends.
Also I fail to see how this is emotional infidelity. The OP didn't say that he was confiding things in his ex that he wasn't telling her. Just that they e-mail back and forth. Also the OP said that she has seen the e-mails and saw nothing bad at all. Basically what it comes down to is that everyone has already judged him because he cheated in a previous relationship and everyone just assumes he is going to do it again. Emotional infidelity is telling someone things you don't tell your partner, confiding in them, talking sweetly with them, calling them honey, sweetie etc. If he is doing that then by all means convict him
The point of this whole forum is to help people change for the better but the ironic thing is that we always are very empathetic with the posters and believe that they can change but here we are just saying that he can't change and will do it again. He made a mistake just like she did in snooping through his phone but there is no forgiveness for him and there is the belief that he should be punished by cutting off a relationship that obviously means something to him. Worst of all there seems to be a belief that invading a partners privacy is alright to do regardless of what you find.
If she wants to put undue stress on her relationship because of a threat that has not developed and may never will then that is up to her but too many people ruin relationships based on things that could happen. If people focused more on what happened on the inside of relationships rather than on what happens outside them then there would be way more happiness and a lot less stress out there. Enjoy what you have but don't worry about losing it. Whats that saying? The tighter you hold on to something the more it slips through your fingers.