Yeah, I know thanks for pointing it out actually, not really been paying attention to the numbers as such though I've been ever so grateful for the replies and support.

Been kind of scared to read my progression from start to now as I'm sure it's a convoluted path of steps forward and then embarrassing steps back, repetion and just general moaning on my part.

Had a poor afternoon, same crap different day but after a melt down witnessed by one member of staff who then had to run to an emergency call (self harm, aborted suicide attemps are a lower priority to patients who are kicking off in which ever ward it happens and as such the male staff drop everything and go running to which ever ward in question to lend support if required).

So what happened with me went unreported and my wife turned up 5 minutes later and I told her I wanted to get out for a walk... Was obviously agitated to her but she didn't know why.

When we got out, I said I loved her and that I was sorry and walked away. She tackled me and locked onto my arm in a very tight grip (my wife is incredibly strong... I'm not weak, weigh 13 stone, and she can pick me up with ease... Kinda scary).

Took a while till I opened up and started talking. At first I was adament that I was not returning to the ward... Took her an hour and a half till I finally relented.

Well... She kicked off when we got back... (Had a private chat and told me after) Insisted on speaking to the doctor and then went full out on her dissatisfaction with the care that has been provided... That she has not been notified when I've walked off or had a particularly bad day... And then went on about the unescorted walks, that I am very good at being persuasive even at low points if I set my mind to doing something and that in my current state, it was stupid to be giving me those opportunities.

Mentioned a few other things including changing my named nurse as she triggers me off amongst other grumbles about my general deteriation since coming here.

When we were alone she insisted on me keeping eye contact with her as she said "you will get better, you are loved, talk more even if it's just to me"

Oh she insisted that with my urology appointment at another hospital tomorrow that a member of staff comes with us as she'll need support and help to keep me calm.