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Wysteria · Jul 15, 2014, 03:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by peaches100

Talking about this painful reality and how it is affecting me hurts too much, and I feel it is on my end to work on acceptance. I admit that withdrawal and avoidance aren't the best ways to work on things. But that's the best way I can detach enough to deal with my disappointment.

Does any of this make sense?

I think you make a lot of sense Peaches and it is obvious that you are thinking this through on many levels and have tried very hard to come up with solutions or perspectives that might work.. It is a very emotional issue and there may be no right or wrong solutions. I'm really proud of you for realizing that avoidance/withdrawal aren't the best ways to deal with something this big...

I guess my main thought was actually what about a "transitional" type period. You've said that you are not ready to quit, that she may be leaving in a year, you need the support and maternal type nurturing that she gives you, you want to learn to be more accepting, but yet know that some type of change might help ease things etc.

So instead of learning how a "bad" mom might handle things with abandonment or distancing or abuse, ask your T to help you transition. Keep things the way they are so that you have the support you need. Ask her to help you find a new "safe and maternal" T...I'll bet she knows the good ones...and begin to "wean" off of some of your dependence on her. Dependence is not necessarily a bad thing. And I'll bet she can help with your search and emotional needs as you find new safe and healthy environment. Often times good T's can work together in tandem with one another for transitions like this or to meet needs that they are not able to fill. (some T's are NOT open to this, but I think the good ones are....)

We often need more support than we might be willing or want to admit...but there is a reason for that. We didn't learn how to attach and detach properly. So instead of deprivation or hurt or loss...let her guide you through the process of starting a new and healthy relationship and attachment to someone else. Let it happen the way it is supposed to...and with the guidance and loving support that you need.

It's just an idea...maybe just brainstorming with you a little, and maybe it is too soon to mention it. I guess I just hoped it might be worth considering looking forward a bit. Sometimes just a bit of hope or looking to the future can ease things a bit.

Gentle hugs,
Wysteria Blue