Hi. I can relate to your feeling of having wasted your life and not knowing what way to turn.

Help is good if you can find it and afford it. Many are helped. That never really worked for me, as people don't get me and I don't have unlimited funds or motivation to keep trying another and another and another one.

So, anyway, what helped me was looking within, using meditative breathing techniques (mindfulness and so on), and just keeping at it. You seem to be trying to push yourself in the right directions, but then not very motivated. I find sitting still (like meditation) helps find directions. It's your life, and you can do what you really want. Not saying it's always easy or fast. I don't know if this will help you, and I don't know anything about OCD, really, so I'm for sure no expert. Just can relate.

Sometimes it's good to keep a journal of your intentions and followup, and then, since you say you don't know why you stop, that is a good focal point to dwell on and seek those answers, and make a note of whatever you find. The struggle at least gives a focal point and something to care about, helped me to find my emotions at times, which are often a mystery to me.