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I'm so very sorry that you are hurting Rainbow. I feel for you and hope that you can indeed find ways to internalize what she has taught you and feel her presence when she is not around. I like that you have your heart stone and recordings. Sometimes, okay all the time, my littlest "part" of me sits under T's desk so at least I know that she is safe.
I wish you only some peace and the confidence you need to go forward. I'm glad that your T cares so much about you...
Gentle hugs,
Wysteria
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Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your heart.
Who looks outside, Dreams...
Who looks inside, Awakens...
- Carl Jung
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