I had a BF in college who graduated before me......& who thought the bank he had worked for while going to college owed him a programming position....& when his GPA was so low that they refused to hire him.....he got angry & wouldn't look for any other position (his low GPA was because he wouldn't do the work in classes that he thought "he knew more than the professors"). We had decided that getting married might be a good idea after he graduated...that attitude was a huge red flag & my respect for him went to "ZERO". My mother assured me that he would become responsible when he grew up (only 22 at the time). I went ahead & got married because I didn't believe that someone who was so intelligent could possibly be such a total looser. He kept working the part time job while I was working the job I had to pay for my college after we got married that June. Every time there was a bank holiday, he would go out & play tennis or do something other than look for a job. I finally told him that I was quitting my job & was going to be focusing on college full time & that I would be working like normal during the breaks in college as I was always able to do contract work & would continue paying for my own college.....but if he didn't get a good paying job, what ever happened would happen & if he couldn't pay for the appartment, I would just go back to living with my parents & he could go back & live with his & we could get the marriage annulled......I had to call him on how he was living to get him to take any action. If finally did get a temporary engineering position which turned into permanent....but through the years, the attitude issues that existed before we got married continued to mess up each engineering position he had & we went through job after job after job.....& then he complained later on that the company didn't give him the promotion he felt he deserved & blamed it on company politics.....where in reality...it was his own attitudes that were the problem. Working in the same field & knowing what was going on....I knew exactly WHAT was happening & he hated that because he was always trying to BS me with excuses as to why he was having problems & always trying to blame it on others.

Unfortunately I lost my engineering career in 1994....& it had actually been my escape from the bad marriage because there was constant issues that came from the lack of RESPECT that I had for him from before we got married........it actually took 33 years, major depression after I lost my career & many suicide attempts because I felt trapped in the bad marriage by that time (because I didn't get out when I could have). I was finally able to leave him 7 years ago after my mother died & I took my inheritance & LEFT & moved 2100 miles away......

He continued to have horrible financial issues because he wasn't responsible with his money (never was from the beinning) & just a few weeks ago after I finished paying off the IRS & cashing the check in the joint account that he was running almost $2000 negative every month & living on the overdraft coverage.......I closed the account. I have no idea how he has made his payments this month....& he's headed for ending up homeless. It was his irresponsibility that had caused issues before we got married & he never did change or mature.......& he definitely wasn't able to care for me when I was in need of having a responsible husband.......& his pdoc said he has more going on than just the adult ADD that he was Dx'ed with.....but so far no other Dx has occured even though I suspect that I know what it would be. I tried to get a conservator after I found out how bad his financial situation is....but wasn't successful with that because as long as they feel he can make decisions whether good or bad, it's HIS PROBLEM. I got on my lawyer now that the IRS is taken care of & pushing the divorce now so that none of his other financial situations will hit me.

Bottom line.....what they are at this point in their life is what they will be for the rest of their life.

It's important to match yourself up with someone who has equal ambitions in life & who has equal drive.......otherwise, all you are doing is ending up in a co-dependent relationship......with your need to be needed being filled, but no other need ends up getting filled.

GET OUT NOW!!!!. Even if you have to live in a tiny one room flat/appartment, you are better off than living in the relationship that you have found yourself in.

You think that what you are feeling is love.....but the lack of respect that you are feeling soon turns any feelings of love into anger & hate (from personal experience.....if I ever really felt love in the first place????....or whether you really do either.

Love grows through mutual respect for each other & growing & maturing together......where those other things don't exist, love is like a seed that lands on the rocks.....it might sprout, but then it dies quickly because there is nothing for it to root into.....or it might really never sprout at all.