Hello there fellow 1986 person!
Welcome.

I'm sorry you're struggling. Please know that you're NOT alone, and that cognitive distortions distort what we believe about ourselves. The world would not be better off without you, nor did you ruin anything by being born. Fight back against those negative lies in your head. You're worth it.
I know that's hard to believe, but maybe believe that someone else believes that. I do. I've had the same thoughts, and it is HARD to deal with. But you can get through this.
Do you have a therapist to talk to, or a family member, or a doctor?