hey. sometimes i don't keep going very well. the kind of work i do is deadline based rather than a daily grind, and a lot of it comes down to deadlines i set for myself. of course, the idea is to set lots of deadlines for yourself and show yourself to be productive (if you want anything to come of it / if you want a job in the field), but i'm not so proactive with that.

some days i don't go in. some days i go in but return home after an hour or after half a day. some days i spend a lot of time on various boards.

then the crunch comes and for a couple of weeks or a couple of months i do really very little else aside from my work.

at the moment (which is to say over the last three months) i haven't been getting a great deal done. working up to a deadline now though. for some point over the next couple of weeks. too scared to check precisely... but i will have a busy working week next week. and then... it really will be time for the momentum to pick up. i've got about 4 projects to be getting on with. just a matter of doing them.

i think trust, shame, fear of judgement / looking bad all come into it and they are all related.

do you know what free association is? the idea is to say whatever comes to mind without censoring things. it is one therapy technique. sometimes people can't even get started (they defend by way of their mind going blank). most often things occur to you - but there is no way you have the courage to say them. i've heard it said that if you can free associate without censoring then you don't need to do free association (which is to say you don't need therapy). so... everybody does it, i guess. the particular fears that people have might be a bit different, but everybodies got 'em.

take extra special care of yourself through this vulnerable time.

this too shall pass...