I took the OCD test on this website and the result was well above the threshold for "OCD is likely." I've always had at least a moderate level of anxiety. I have struggled with intrusive thoughts off and on as well. In middle school, when I was constantly stressed out because of bullying I had intrusive thoughts that centered around religion, but those have subsided over the years, at least in part because I think I unintentionally put myself through a kind of exposure therapy. I love heavy metal music and anti-religious themes are common, so that actually kind of helped. During the school year most of the intrusive thoughts revolve around health. My search history is full of searches for symptoms of rare illnesses, to the point that my brother said I'm a hypochondriac. Also, sometimes if I like a girl and text her without an immediate response, I become afraid that she was driving and I caused her to crash. I have tried several methods to try to overcome my anxiety, but it tends to "infect" whatever I'm focusing on at the time. When I tried meditation it worked for a while but soon I started getting worried that it wouldn't work, and eventually it got to the point where I was more anxious after meditating than I was before. My doctor increased my anxiety medicine which worked for a week, but after that it stopped. My most reliable method has been listening to music but now I keep getting intrusive thoughts like "I have bad taste in music" or "this is just noise" and it is beginning to affect the last thing that actually helps. Also in any area of my life in which I am not successful, my mind won't stop reminding me of it, for example I feel like a complete failure because I have had so much trouble finding a girlfriend even though I have great friends and am an A student at a university as well as an active member of many student organizations. Also I have Asperger's Syndrome so I don't know how much of this can be attributed to that. So does it sound like I have OCD? And despite everything I have written above I am very functional, if it is not debilitating could it end up doing more harm than good if I try to do something about it? I am planning a career as either a historian or a career in international relations and I am concerned that altering how my mind works could unintentionally lower my motivation and critical thinking abilities in the process.
|