Rain ... it seems like the two of you continue to have different goals for your therapy

In reading it seems more like you want your T to be someone to be there for you, who will give you regular comforting contact ... someone to share your life with as far as being able to tell them what is happening for you; to talk to them about different things; and have your T provide an ongoing positive and supportive environment for you

No matter how much you internalise her ... I don't see how it would really meet the need it seems you have ... which is also a perfectly valid need

Sorry this was such a bad session .. I really hope you can talk more about all of this with her