I'm sorry today was so tough for you, ECHOES. ((((hugs)))) I would be angry about the health insurance too. If it were me, I would call up some reporters at the local newspaper and tell them about the crappy plan your employer, a major health insurance company, gives its own employees. Maybe they will write an expose if they know what is happening. Would it be possible for you to change jobs to a more employee-friendly company?

During my crisis phase, while suffering depression, I cried a dozen times a day. I could only sleep a couple of hours a night and was a wreck each day at work. I had a hard time actually getting to work each morning. My car had become a safe haven for me, and I tended to sob as soon as I got into it. As I neared my workplace each day, I would try to stop crying and often had to pull the car over, park, and try to pull myself together before I arrived on the job. Sometimes I was not successful and had to call in sick. Other times I arrived but way, way late. I was a terrible employee during those days. I feel bad about that because usually I am a hard and conscientious worker. At work, I coped by leaving my desk whenever I would start crying and walking down the hall, or outside the building and I would make a circuit around it then come in again. Or I would walk up and down the stairs. When it got really bad, I would go for a longer walk or go to my car in the parking lot and cry. I was very pre-occupied and foggy while on the job. My brain was not working right. For me, this was a symptom of depression. When I finally was no longer depressed, my brain functioning returned to normal and the fogginess was gone. Anyway, that's how it was for me. It really helped for me to get enough sleep each day and night. Since it was hard to sleep at night, I would nap whenever I could, and this helped tremendously.

Why do we hold back in therapy? For me, I think a big part of it is fear of rejection and abandonment. I have abandonment issues from my childhood. It is hard to put myself out there with anyone and risk their rejection. It seems much safer to me to not take the risk. That pattern of mine carries over into therapy. I still do it but am better. I think my trust of T has increased as we have gotten to know each other. I have "tested" him many times and he has not rejected me or who I am. This allows sharing to become easier.

Well, I'm not sure if any of that applies to your situation, ECHOES, but I wish you well and hope tomorrow is better for you!

Could you work out with your T some way you can contact her when you are in the middle of a crisis?