Thank you for the words JaneC and the links Glok, I read them.

I "know" you can't officially mess up in therapy, but there are things that mess up therapy or its success. Like I look at the things I do and I do think he might be right on PTSD, but then I realize I don't have any connected a emotions when thoughts of what happened come to my mind (I just shake my head and make myself think of something else and they usually go away now). Most PTSD sufferers that I have read about are extremely upset when the images come into their mind. Sometimes I catch myself about to cry, but I can shake it off pretty quickly.

I don't understand 'emotional numbness' in its true since. I do have some emotional connection as I can get upset with my husband and I cry occasionally and I laugh at the tv. So I am guessing that means I am not numb to my emotions. Now I also notice that outside of those things, I know WHEN certain situations warrant certain emotions, but I don't think I truly have a physical feeling with them. But I don't know what happens to other people to know if I am just like everyone else.

I don't want to pretend something is here that is not and I don't want to pretend something is not here that is. I DO know something is wrong because of the extremes I go to in order to keep 'self' safe. But I don't know if that means it is PTSD or not. I know I can't mess up, but I don't want to mess up... LOL