You are mourning, birdpumpkin. It may help to formalize your mourning. Last October I was impressed by day of the dead alters in a local museum and decided to make one for my dad. It was more powerful an experience than I was prepared for, just contemplating getting his brand of coffee and cigarettes and his favorite soap and things together, or the small objects he used to carry. I concluded that people of my culture shun our dead for good reason, lol! But maybe I will try again. I don't have to die a cultural WASP because I was born one.

Perhaps you could collect photos others may have of your house, and cats, and buy the brand of cat food, cat shampoo etc, and consider making a little memorial. Friends and relatives could send you images to make a little virtual memorial. Be warned, the smells will get you more than the images. Go slow.