The Prozac is leveling out! I woke disturbed but not frozen and not too horrified. It's hard to tell if nausea is medicine or nerves. I felt better after talking to my son last night. It was humiliating to cry like a little girl and ask my child for help but also a big relief. Just like hanging onto my neighbor was a big relief.

I didn't have a mother who comforted me in childhood. I had a mother who reasoned with me. We are WASPs. We are innovative people; I think we invented PTSD. We certainly have refined It to an art form of polished repression.

Anyway, thanks for the support. I think about suicide every day, at least once. Hospital discharged me suicidal. That's not good medicine. It is not good medical ethics. Corporations don't have the same investment in medical ethics professionals used to have. We can no longer afford good medical ethics for poor people. In my once liberal county lawyers and everyone are telling me to stop worrying about the world and focus on myself. I get It. Prozac helps. I am still very sad.

It's kind of funny, in the sense of being peculiar, It sure as hell isn't "haha" funny. I read our first world ptsd issues and wonder what its like to be an Iraqi. Then I wonder whether I have enough cash for a massage.

What on earth are we?