Bad emotional stuff came up yesterday and I lost control. Had a few drinks and so on. emailed T. he got my nurse practitioner to call me, talk me through it and get me to hospital. After 6 hours, I was discharged with suicidal thoughts. I guess if they admitted everyone with suicidal thoughts the psyche ward would be packed to the ceiling.

The pdoc at the hosp said I had a good team on my side and he'll send them a report and recommend a possible med change. now I'm wondering if that "good team" is going to think I'm a huge pain in the a-- and cut me loose. Anytime this has happened in the past, my biggest fear is that my T will give up on me, be angry, reject me, etc. I'm still waiting for him to call me today or email. I guess he'll get to me when he can. I'm not his only client.

I am so drained and confused I can hardly think straight. Even the TV triggers me, so I turned it off. I feel very fragile. But this small crisis has made me rethink how I manage all these things. It's a learn-as-you-go kind of thing, I guess.