Quote:
Originally Posted by NoIdeaWhatToDo
I guess I'm just at the point where I've brought my kids into the world, and they'll do what they do. I don't have any Einstein or Bell contributions to make to the world. I'm not feeling suicidal or anything, and I understand that my family and friends love me...I just don't get the idea that I'm needed. I lost my dad when I was 15. I loved him, but I guess I didn't NEED him - we made it work after he died.
Sometimes, especially when I'm depressed, I don't feel like the weight of all this is worth it for my family. I know they love me, but wouldn't it be a better scenario for them if they didn't have to put up with the depression, with its anxiety, anger, and apathy? If we don't have an activity scheduled with the kids, I don't take them anywhere - and I don't play with them at home because there are too many things that have to get done to make the house run. Dinner, cleanup, laundry - it takes everything I've got just to get those things done...I don't have anything leftover for my family. My husband is great - he's fun with them, passionate about things he shares with them, takes them to do things with him. I guess when I think about how I'm NEEDED around here, it just feels like we could just pay someone to contribute what I do for my family...
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Why is need the key here?
I see life as involving a degree of struggle whether it's a family member with depression or becoming a bestselling author. Sometimes good things do come easily, but if someone wants a very specific one, like a certain wife and mother or to write a bestselling teen novel, then it's something that will involve late nights, stress, failures, messy schedules, compromises, planning, and all kinds of other things. There's a kind of glamor to things when seen from the outside, but people who are smart know that there's a lot more work than beautiful, photographic moments...
Not trying to say it's not understandable to be questioning, just that I don't think it's a "you" thing. Nobody wants to feel like their family could just go on without them. Maids don't give the same kind of kisses that mothers do, though.