Hi All,

I'm new to the forum but I've had bipolar 2 since I was about 10. Had no treatment for about 10 years, am just now getting started on Depakote and therapy. I'm also taking a break from work due to mixed episodes and massive panic attacks, but I'm back to work next week (hopefully the meds kick in by then).

I'm engaged to this wonderful man who I've been dating for about 3 years now. He is absolutely the perfect guy in every sense of the word. We're supposed to get married this October but here's the thing... I'm having all these second thoughts! I don't know if I'm ready to get married. I don't know if he's the right person either... I mean I love him but we don't have the same connection that I've had with previous boyfriends (could have just been hypomania but it felt so intense). He also lies sometimes about job-related issues and that really bothers me, although he has started treatment and therapy for that because he admits it's an issue.

Part of me just wants to learn to do things on my own and face my fears, become my own person. I feel like I haven't even accomplished anything in my life. Other people my age are graduating college and have dreams they're pursuing. I want to get a van and drive around the country sight-seeing and discovering myself.

I feel like I'm too scared to take either plunge. I'm too scared to marry my guy and I'm too scared to go off on my own. Does this sound familiar to anyone else? I feel like I can't make a decision no matter how hard I try!