Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8
This means a lot to me, mkac. Thank you. I have seen you make incredible progress too. 
I think I know what my problem is. When I feel connected to my T, and she is at the same time connected to me (I can tell), it feels so amazing. It doesn't FEEL like therapy. Like when we talk about art. But then the hour is over and reality sets in, except it never totally sets in for me because the session IS real. I suppose this is my black and white thinking. I know it's illogical, but I see it that way. Yet I know she would say that right now she hasn't changed her feelings about me and that we have a good relationship. Therapeutic relationship! And those two words bring on the tears again. |
On the contrary, I think your thinking is very logical. You feel a connection (which is quite real, btw, just as you are well aware...and it's excellent you can feel it and see it...and now you can validate it for yourself!) and then it's "over" because your time is up. It's hard to reconcile not being able to continue that connection once the session is over.
I was talking to one of my Ts about attachment vs. connection recently, and I said that my sense of attachment to both of my Ts stays the same (it's pretty healthy and secure), but my sense of connection may change many times within a session and also when I am not in a session...it varies (but it's still there...sometimes just stronger than others) . Having a secure attachment is helpful because I know I don't need to depend on them...and I think you are working towards that, but it's really painful in the beginning.
I second MKAC regarding the progress you have made...I actually joined PC in 2010 (left and came back again a few times, but have always lurked
), and I think you have made such excellent strides, you should be proud!
