Hello M.
I am sorry you are going through this at this time. Are you seeing a therapist? If you are aware that you are out of control again, then I hope you can talk to your therapist and try to regain some of the control that you have learned in the past. Perhaps your behavior at this point is in regard to other issues that you have not dealt with in the past with your therapist, and it is now surfacing at this time in your life. I hope the best for you and your future. take one day at a time. Take Care Soidhonia