Hello Irishsj.
I am very sorry you are feeling this way at this time. I agree with the above advice finding other outlets for your SI may be a good thing to try to help yourself , and also trying to get yourself a support team may help as well, that way you can at least call someone that understands or will help to keep you safe diring the times you would want to SI. Take care of yourself and try to just take things one day at a time, and call your therapist and let the therapist know what is going on so that the therapist can help you during this time. Soidhonia