First off hi all. I just joined since I really wanted to talk to people who are in similar situations like me.
I am confused as to whether or not my boyfriend (we're in a stage discussion whether or not to break up ._.) is right for treating me like a sack of waste.
Basically my BPD has gone from bad to worse in these past years. I am under 18 and none irl knows how I truly behave and feel. (Me and my boyfriend, of 4 years, are in a Long distance relationship by the way !) So basically he stopped caring whenever I rage. He ignores my rants and I end up cussing him like mad. I end up in tears afterwards and he just mocks me saying to get therapy and that he doesn't loveme anymore. He knows I have mental problems he used to help me but he doesn't anymore. He doesn't care if i say hurtful things to him. I lie a lot and many times hes been begging to leave me but I have panic attacks when I imagine myself being without him. He basically repeats ''I'm staying because you're forcing me too''. I said worse stuff to him, threatening to blackmail, threatening to hurt him and his family, etc. I regret all that but I can't help myself when all he does is ignoring me and goes afk when I'm desperate for his attention. He said to take a break for a while and see how it goes away from me. I really want therapy but I can't do anything. The times i went to one i didn't say the truth i just kept lying because i don't trust people and fear they will tell my parents. I really need help and maybe just talking to someone whos in a similar situation like me will do. I'm so alone .___.

Thank you for reading this long paragraph but I had to let my feels out.