Well you do sound very creative. For me taking the deep pain inside and expressing it in a drawing or painting leaves me with a feeling of at least giving it a go to let this whirlwind out of me. I like it better than hurting myself. My body is the closest friend I have. I feel if I hurt myself it only deepens the sense of pain and separation. I understand anger and how it can eat at me. I just try to find something that will not make me part of deepening the problem. For me I think of the body as my child, and I wouldn't hurt my child so I try to find some way to nurture or at least not harm the child. There are not easy answers but there are answers possible when we seek them, at least that is what I believe.