Quote:
Originally Posted by LadyCat
First off hi all. I just joined since I really wanted to talk to people who are in similar situations like me.
I am confused as to whether or not my boyfriend (we're in a stage discussion whether or not to break up ._.) is right for treating me like a sack of waste.
Basically my BPD has gone from bad to worse in these past years. I am under 18 and none irl knows how I truly behave and feel. (Me and my boyfriend, of 4 years, are in a Long distance relationship by the way !) So basically he stopped caring whenever I rage. He ignores my rants and I end up cussing him like mad. I end up in tears afterwards and he just mocks me saying to get therapy and that he doesn't loveme anymore. He knows I have mental problems he used to help me but he doesn't anymore. He doesn't care if i say hurtful things to him. I lie a lot and many times hes been begging to leave me but I have panic attacks when I imagine myself being without him. He basically repeats ''I'm staying because you're forcing me too''. I said worse stuff to him, threatening to blackmail, threatening to hurt him and his family, etc. I regret all that but I can't help myself when all he does is ignoring me and goes afk when I'm desperate for his attention. He said to take a break for a while and see how it goes away from me. I really want therapy but I can't do anything. The times i went to one i didn't say the truth i just kept lying because i don't trust people and fear they will tell my parents. I really need help and maybe just talking to someone whos in a similar situation like me will do. I'm so alone .___.
Thank you for reading this long paragraph but I had to let my feels out.
|
well, where do i start
ok i will deal w/ how you are being treated first, if you care about someone..you just don't treat them like a sack of waste..this tells me he cares nothing for you( i know it's hard to hear, but i'm going to have to present the facts here).
LD relationship..bad idea & it's been four years? have you guys EVER seen each other? kissed each other? held each other? done things together..in the flesh, made love?
i'm not one to recommend a LD relationship at all, very problematic and even worse for us BPD's..if you have BPD a long distance relationship is just a bad idea..we need attention and affection too much for that..you are not getting your needs met & it's making your BPD worse and worse.
one of the things my T told me (when i WAS going to therapy) is that we tend to go for/fall for/deal with people that are emotionally unavailable.
your bf obviously falls in this camp..he just isn't there for you and it's just not healthy.
idk why we get attached to these people that just don't give a s*** about us..i'm trying to do better..but man i have a terrible habit of doing that too.
maybe it's about the thrill of the chase for us BPD's, wanting something we know we can't have, i don't really know or understand it..just trying not to do it any more.
yes it will hurt like hell to leave him alone, it always does for us BPD's..but you need to. also you should find someone local who you can be with and meet your needs( us BPD's can be quite needy, at least i am
)
the longer this goes on the more damage it will do..it is plain to see he is at a mindset that he can walk away at any time & i get the impression he is toying with you.
he is mean
he is insensitive
he is treating you like a "sack of waste"
time to end the self torture, you gotta get outta this..i hope this helps
__________________
I have learned that i and i alone am responsible for my happiness, most people these days are as reliable as wet toilet paper!
