My goals in therapy have changed through the years. I was depressed when I began therapy the first time. My best friend told me to go see someone when I said I didn't feel like living. My mother had recently passed away, and I had a lot of social problems too, as well as marital difficulties. I didn't know anything about my pattern then, but I knew something was wrong. I was very shy, and talking to my T was hard. I was totally ignorant about transference, and when it happened, I realized I had just plugged my T into a space where other people, not Ts, had been. I called it a "game", but my T said it was due to unmet needs from my childhood.

She wanted me to talk about my Mom but I didn't want to. So, that was one goal in therapy, to get me to talk about my Mom and her death. Her orientation was psychodynamic, so we were supposed to have a close relationship, then separate slowly. That didn't happen, so I basically saw my next T to get over the first one, at the same time dealing with social issues, my marriage, my anxiety, and my parents.

There were a lot of issues through the years, but the attachment problem resulting in my "addiction to therapy" was the main reason why I kept going.
I dealt with what came up in psychodynamic therapy: my past, shame, growing up, my Mom and Dad, shyness, selective mutism, and having BPD. One of my goals was to "feel" my emotions in therapy. I used to report how I felt during the week and never let myself feel anything, or share my feelings in the moment with my T. I met that goal except for never crying in therapy.

I would have wanted to solve the attachment problem and quit when it didn't hurt so much, when I would accept the therapeutic relationship for what it is, and be able to live without thinking about her so much. I don't think that would have happened, and I'm not sure it will now. My current T has worked with me in different ways from any other; I have learned about mindfulness, breathing, and how to work with my anxiety to calm myself. She's encouraged me to express myself in painting, and to take risks in my life. The SE work is totally different from my years of talk therapy, and is helping me with shame about my body.

TBH, at this point I was hoping that I would have my T in my life until I die. Like maybe see her monthly, at least. I could live 30 more years, but it's possible that I could live only 5 more years or less. Of course no one knows. I don't have any fatal disease but I read people talk about worrying about their Ts dying because of their age, and I'm at that age! I'm such a complainer now, that I would like to have my T around in case real problems of aging come up, which I have no doubt they will. I'm not trying to be morbid, but realistic. My T is a lot younger than I am, so I am hoping that she'll be around to help me if I need it.

On the other hand, I would like to be independent from her so that she's there for me, but I don't react the way I do now. I think it's possible to do that without totally quitting therapy. I haven't resolved all of my problems and advancing in age isn't going to help some of them. I'm afraid because I've never been "old" before, and having T for support sounds comforting to me.

Perhaps I'm in denial, but I'm giving it my best shot to conquer the attachment issues and be able to see my T for the rest of my life, or as long as she is available to me. I'm trying to build my resources and be happy without my T, but not have to give her up. So, to finally answer your question, I DO NOT see past the therapy unless circumstances force me to terminate it.

Well, that was certainly a long response. You made me think, velcro. Thank you!