I like that idea!

I know others suggested writing or art or taking time to process it and that does help. Most things, when I'm able to take the time to process, I can communicate extremely well. The problem is processing in the moment.

Yesterday was horrible. Because of my extreme fears of abandonment and rejection, plus my insurance continually threatening to deny my therapy, the thought of my T not caring about me crushed me.

I couldn't think logically. I accepted my perception as truth which in turn triggered sui thoughts. I tried to get help. I took my anxiety PRN: didn't work. I called a crisis line: they told me I didn't need professional help and to watch a funny movie?!?! I emailed my T (I re-read my email today...I wasn't clear yet again...she thought it was my normal emotional self ). I called my T (somehow my msg cut off after 10 secs so again she didn't realize I was in a crisis). So I turned to my SI... That's when my fiance had enough of it. Good thing he's better at being direct (plus my T told me she knew something was wrong because my fiance would never be allowed to contact her otherwise.)

But all of this could have been avoided. It's not my T's fault. She would have done something if I could have clearly communicated with her at any point of this ordeal. I tried, and I thought I was communicating. But looking back, I clearly was not.

But I think I will definitely bring it up to her that I need to practice asking her to clarify her meaning (even if it's clear...)

Ty all for your suggestions and support!