Up through my late twenties I never had any problems sleeping. I started my first full-time job when I was 28 (after grad school), and it was around this time that I started having difficulty sleeping. My sleep problems have gotten progressively worse through the years, and now 20 years later I rarely ever get an uninterrupted night of sleep. My routine lately has been, more or less - sleep for about 4 hours, wake up and go to the bathroom, take some Tylenol, and try to get a few more hours of sleep. I usually end up somewhere around 4-6.5 hours of sleep. If I get 7, then that is a very good night for me, even if it is interrupted.

I am still in the same career I was in when I was 28, and I have never, ever felt comfortable or accepted in this field. I know that I can do the job, but my personality seems to be at odds with others in the field. Let's just say that my Myers-Briggs test tells me that I'm an INFP, and I work in a strongly INTJ field. My most satisfying work has been in cases where I'm able to help someone or create something that I'm proud of. Being around people who are critical and condescending (I'm not saying that all INTJ's are like this, but I seem to have encountered more than my share in this field) has done a number on my self-esteem.

I'm tired of living this way. I feel sick from the sleep deprivation most days, and then I have to go to work and face being around people that are competitive and unfriendly. I have to say that I feel like I'm more sensitive than most, and even when I think I've adequately dealt with my day mentally, issues and conflicts wake me up in the early morning hours and I have difficulty falling back asleep.

I have been to counselors, but am reluctant to go back for a couple of reasons. One, that every counselor I've been to recommends anti-depressants. I've tried many of them, and the SSRIs only make the insomnia worse. Remeron is about the only one I can tolerate, and that has some unpleasant side-effects. And two, every counselor I've been to seems bored with my issues. And no doubt I am boring. But it doesn't help my self-esteem, or my sleep issues.

I believe that social anxiety is a large part of my problem. Ironically, I have a feeling that if I were in a more "people-focused" job that I might be better off, but I could be completely wrong about that.

Anyway, sorry for the rambling. Just needed to get it out.