Well No Book today Dulcinea! Sorry. I am too down in the dumps. I survive, but to what purpose? I find Lizi-Tish's post about striving to go further inspirational but also it makes me feel like such a failure. I cannot seem to get out of the rut of just living day to day. To strive to be a Stephen Hawking or Hanson is just not something I can even see from my vantage point in the well.

I went to the Family Doctor, expecting to be Formed into the PWARD today, but instead he agreed with the Crisis line, that I do not seem to pose an imminent threat to my own self or others, so I shall just have to wait in the unending line of those waiting for mental health care.

I feel bad, hurt and upset, worse because that bastard at MT said "You Need Professional Help" and yet none is forthcoming, it isn't like I have not tried to get it. Does one have to go "postal" to get attention and help?

I want to write a book, then I don't, some days I think I could write a book, other days I don't. As for the good doctor retrieving some of my comments from the threads we used, I doubt you will get any answer at all to those requests. Funny Mr. Count, he can request a name change and get it instantly, but others like Blondie and your self ask for help or answers and are ignored...but if you even breath that there is a two tiered treatment of people at that site, forget it you will have a dozen people attacking every post you make, and worse cutting and pasting things out of context to make you look even worse.

My doctor did say he see I am agitated and is going to try and speed up the process for me. I just think it is going to have to take either a pseudo (para-suicidal) or real suicide attempt to get the attention I need. I fail to understand why such drama is necessary. Also when that is the reason for admission you are released as soon as you are deemed to no longer pose a threat...so what is the use...??? I am feeling very undone. I feel adrift and as such tired, no not really tired but really weary. It doesn't help that it is a really dark dreary raining day here.

Rose was with me in the doctor's office, so some of what I wanted to say wouldn't come out, also I find talking to that doctor about mental health issues is a strain because he is in such a rush, (always a long line of patients), that I can't even get started on my problem...I am not one who can just start at full speed, I need a bit of time to get worked up LOL.

Oh well, I am here anyway, but it is going to be a sleepy kind of day I think.