I just need to write tonight I am so lonely (extremely) even though I have family and friends that love me. Like Little Jay I wish I could just cry and maybe that would release something but just can't seem too. They always say a good cry helps well I agree problem is I can't.

I have not contacted any of my close friends as of late because I would feel I need to be honest but at the same time they don't want or need to here it from me anymore. I am so sick of the person I am right now it is not pretty. Funny just got a text from a dear long distance friend asking how it is going. I wrote okay but a bit difficult just putting one foot in front of the other. How much you want to bet I won't hear anymore from her. Not that I blame her who wants to keep hearing that news. Ugh...

Sometimes I feel what is the use going through the motions anymore I am so upset at myself that I cannot work through this it just hurts so much anymore and I get tired of fighting well thanks for letting me rant...