Big trigger. The gunshots were fireworks. Someone on the scanner saw them go up. At least a dozen police sirens and firetrucks came through and the excitement seems to be a few blocks away. No idea what It is.

I'm not worried about It. I'm worried about my stupid self going off like fireworks.

This is difficult. As the sirens were going I wasn't scared or alarmed, or flashing back. I did have an image of myself grabbing the pills and doing myself in. I won't. I haven't been drinking and I have the numbers to call. I have a plan to drive down the street and hang out at the hospital cafe if I get too weird. I'm welcome there. But now I wonder if whatever happened here won't end up there. I don't need to be in the middle of it.

I kind of understand what my problem is. I need to get on top of it. O

And yeah, my trauma saga includes a July night with all the township police cars on my lawn, sirens screaming and lights flashing.