I will try to keep this quick

When I was 14 I lost my Father due to Cancer, I had a few panic attacks before his death, but after it was an everyday thing for about a year, and my family thought it would be "nice" to take a cruise a few weeks after my Fathers death to relax. The entire time I was there I just wanted to go home, I begged my mom everyday to just fly my home. Before I lost my Father we used to take many trips out of state/country and I LOVED it.

After I got home I was still traveling petty well (a few hours distance), but for some reason in 2001 that all crashed in on me, I was no longer able to travel 15minutes...then it became housebound.

I am now no longer able to travel more than a mile from my house before I start to worry and have "problems swallowing" (I get a weird feeling like ill choke on my saliva when I swallow).

Well now im so sick and tired of all of this, im 26 and all I can do with my friends is sit on my porch with them, I WANT a life again, I would even be happy going 10 miles from my house so I can atleast do something.

well here is the point of my Rant...My Doctor just gave me clonazepam 0.5 to take in the morning then at night. And he wants me to go see him in two weeks to adjust it. his goal is to get me on it long enough to be able to travel 45min away to see the nearest CBT in my area.

I am so afraid of taking meds, I fear the side effects and not feeling like "myself". it reminds me of trying to travel, once I go so far im "stuck" in the situation. How do I talk myself into trying the med to see how it works? any help =(

sorry for the jumbled mess of a post, im just so tore up at the moment

thanks