hello there. im feeling kinda lifeless for maybe 2 years.. so i decided to post something on a forum for help. so yeah, im feeling lifeless. my mom and dad push me to stop smoking and just do things but i just can't and it's only annoying me. i just can't bring up to go outside and make friends or w/e.. or even online it goes wrong with the person i like. he dislikes me now, which makes me very sad. and because of this lifeless feeling, i still wonder if i actually like him and people wonder about that too. i seem like an overly attached girlfriend though i am not even his girlfriend, just because i don't know how to get attention of him. it makes me desperate. and with this desperate thing.. i go obsessing over stuff which ain't even necessary to obsess about. like: "do i really love him?" which is still a question which worries me. because when i would really love him, i wouldn't do such awful stuff to him like selfishly spamming his name 100 times when he's gone or busy, or yeah, you know, all that stuff. it was an example. anyways, my parents are pushing me to do stuff, and all which im busy with, is smoking, eating, and waiting for messages from him, or maybe his friend or doing w/e on pc to get a sign of him. i get mad at my parents when they push me to do stuff, or steal my pc or ciggarettes.. and i don't want to. i heard from the person which is helping me, you know, something like a psychiatrist. i can't explain it well. i have 3 of them because my parents are so desperate. that im just like every other teenager wanting freedom. you know, i want everything just to get that freedom. but i don't know where i should get it and my parents don't allow me anything. they work for my ciggarettes they say, but at the same time want me to quit. i get it because i don't want to quit. but i just don't know what to do else. i should find a job, but im afraid, and my parents too, i won't do well there. and i actually want to spend every second on that guy out there on the internet.. they say i should let him go, but i just don't want it to end like this. like, i totally misbehaved to him. and if i would find a job, what would i do with the money? i would visit him with the airplane while he doesn't want to. basically, that guy is just in the center of my life. while he doesn't want me and it takes all my time. it makes me lifeless and maybe "obsessed" for that guy. i don't know how to change it. all i want is his attention. but i want to feel better too, and i won't get his attention anyways when i feel lifeless.