thank you for replying... i am in the states, i will have to look into the mental health dept and see what they can offer me. i used to see a therapist at a sliding scale clinic but they only do short term and things got bad again after i stopped going. all i want is to have a normal life. i've never had one. i saw a beautiful couple at the grocery store yesterday and it made me want to cry because i just wanted to be one of them and i knew i would probably never have what they had. that's probably a stupid thing to say but it's true. i'm just so tired of living like this.