Quote:
Originally Posted by JaneC
I even ask him from time to time if he is annoyed with me and he never is. I tell him he ought to be sometimes, as that may be easier for me to understand and deal with than him being a constant kind presence in the room! Go figure......
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I know how you feel. I've become so used to s--t and abuse the kindness can feel foreign. I'm starting to get more used to it now and it feels nice.
I can't have him even pretend to be annoyed at me right now, because I'll totally dissociate. I'm still too vulnerable. A couple of months into my therapy I thought he was mad at me and I completely dissociated. I could barely walk out of the session when it was over because I was so disoriented. 6 days later I was in the hospital for being suicidal.
I am super, super sensitive to the slightest hint of disapproval: facial expressions, body language, vocal tones are hyper-vigilantly observed. I think I really have to chill out, lol.