My Support Forums - View Single Post - Sexting, picture exchanging etc.. effecting the marriage

Silentme · Jul 17, 2014, 12:37 PM

So ok here goes nothing.. i'm going to go ahead and put it out here and confess. Guess this is hopefully a good start to the chaos in my life & the start of hopefully a fix.

This is so ambarrasing but oh well , the hell with it .. I did it.. I did the sexting thing and the picture exchange crazyness .. yes little old me.

Just recently did it back in january through to April.. just a few months before my husband caught on. 19 years married and i'd never done that before and I can honestly say it got a bit out of hand and yes if my husband wouldn't of found out I probably would still be doing it but I'm hoping that mentally, emotionally & or some how I would have come to my senses eventually and stopped the madness. I'm confident enough that some how I would have eventually I would have stopped.

But I have to confess that it really didn't start that way. I've never done that and being that I'm married to an absolute Scorpio, extremely jealous man & total narcissist what I've done now I make a really unstable relationship just take 40 notches up and go to extreme hell.

I'm sure the responses I'll get from this will be totally understandable but let me put here a little bit more so you can have a more complete explanation..

We were never boyfriend/girlfriend..just got married as friends.. -- 1st mystake.. then he's really controlling & he has extreme trust issues - 2nd problem. Then we've had domestic violence, not really physical so much but more of the verbal & mental & emotional type. He's extremely angry total raging anger and very strict. And well me, i'm more the quiet soft spoken type. Used to be very shy but with time i've grown to become stronger and more outspoken with him at least.

Another tid-bit we are swinger, well went into the lifestyle after recovering sort of from our crazy marriage & went into curiosity mode back in 2010 and some of our best & closest friends are swinger lifestyle friends. CRAZY HUH!!!????

but that's my life.. how's that for a 19 years of up & downs and totally insanity..

But well lastly i'm just not IN Love with my husband any more.. I love him but just don't feel that pull. Too much crazyness & wrongs & too much resentment and I'm just plain tired.

Can I say I messed up.. yeah.. although I don't think it's to the extent he's taking it but I know he has every right to be upset although some how the mindful person i am tells me that he's partly and largely to blame for this to have gotten to the extent it did. Although that's too long to explain here.. Too long of a story to tell.. but hell that's my life.. total CHAOS.. all the time..

FYI.. for a while being swingers actually saved our marriage but this next mess up and stuff we're going through has nothing to do with that. Actually we've been out of the lifestyle due to health issues for over a year now.. so well .. this is i don't know more my being tired of my life i guess or just being curious or midlife crisis if there's such a thing for women.. but well who know's ..

That's what I'm here for now.. help me talk through all the fog in my brain and my life..

Your thoughts and questions are so welcome.. please help.. thanks..