Quote:
Originally Posted by IndestructibleGirl
This would irritate me greatly. She is sexualizing your bodies with this remark, and if that had never been an issue before it'd catch me on the back foot and make me really annoyed. Bodies are bodies. We are all capable of touch and hugs and whatever without it being a sex thing.
I think she was quite insensitive with the boob-graze remark, does she have form for this kind of thing or was it out of character? From what you say above though I find it quite odd that your T is into physical touch at all. I think it sounds like she has unresolved issues herself around the whole area of different kinds of touch.
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Actually she was VERY into touch the first year- foot massages, scalp massages, holding (shed sit on the couch and I'd sit between her legs with my back to her stomach and shed wrap her arms around me and we'd stay that way the whole session). This is the closest image I can find of how she held me:
http://us.123rf.com/400wm/400/400/re...-side-view.jpg
Then suddenly she started putting a pillow between her stomach and my back (for what seemed like no reason) and I hated it, so I asked her why she was doing that and she said bc our stomachs/breasts/crotch's were considered sexual by society so they should never touch so there wouldn't be any confusion between us about the nature of our touch (until that moment her touching me had never been even remotely sexual, it was just comforting and maternal) and yes, when she said that it kind of ruined it for me, made it feel less safe, bc if she's holding me and worrying that I'm getting off on the feel of her boobs on my back, that isnt a safe touch anymore. And using the pillow made me feel dirty, like she didnt want to touch me. So I stopped the holding. I told her I didn't like the new "pillow rule" and if she had to do it that way I'd rather not do it at all.
She said that some comfort should be better than no comfort, and that it was sad that I rejected 25 percent comfort bc it wasnt the 50 percent comfort I wanted, and that I was the one losing out. That if my dinner was served on a blue plate instead of red I wouldn't eat it bc I only wanted red etc...
I said that was my choice, just like using the pillow was her choice, that I respected her choice, but wasn't interested in being held under those conditions. And she hasn't done it since.
Just hugs after session (A-Frame now, when before they used to be normal hugs- long hugs, with her hand on the back of my head). And hand holding, or letting me put my head on her shoulder, but she never turns her body in towards me anymore. ::shrug::
She did almost a complete 180 regarding touch after the rupture (but the pillow thing happened one month before the rupture, so can't be explained by that).