Quote:
Originally Posted by feralkittymom
Perhaps I'm in denial, but I'm giving it my best shot to conquer the attachment issues and be able to see my T for the rest of my life, or as long as she is available to me. I'm trying to build my resources and be happy without my T, but not have to give her up. So, to finally answer your question, I DO NOT see past the therapy unless circumstances force me to terminate it.
I think you nail it here. You want opposing goals: to not need therapy, but to remain in therapy. To not need your T, but to not be independent of her. Sounds like you just want to stop time; maybe it's worth exploring what wanting to stop time protects you from now?
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It's just a fantasy to stop time! Yeah, it would be nice to stop it so I could not get older, and so I could be sure to be at all of my grandchildren's weddings!
It has nothing to do with therapy. The reality is that no one can stop time, of course.
I think my opposing goals make sense. I want to not NEED my T, but that doesn't mean I don't need therapy. I want the option of seeing my T without the heartache involved when my feelings for her interfere. If I can do without therapy, fine. If I have problems, I want to continue. What I can't tolerate anymore is the anguish of the therapeutic relationship when I get triggered.
Quote:
Originally Posted by growlycat
I can relate to that. I would be perfectly happy spending a lifetime in therapy. Yet I still want the skills to not need it.
Does that hold true for you too Rainbow?
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Yes! For me, it's that I want the skills not to need my THERAPIST, because I can probably manage, though not perfectly, without therapy. On the other hand, I have issues that bother me, and I get triggered by people in my life, so it helps to have a T to help me on an ongoing basis.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aloneandafraid
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It's hard, I know.
Quote:
Originally Posted by peaches100
Hi Rainbow,
I understand so well what you are going through, and the pain associated with it. I share many of your thoughts, feelings, and struggles. I don't have the solution, but I can be here for you.  |
Thanks for posting, Peaches. I know you have a lot going on right now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~EnlightenMe~
(((((Rainbow)))))),
I am sorry you are in so much pain. I hope you are able to work through this with your therapist, so it isn't so painful. Can you make plans to go out with friends, or do something with your H over the next few weeks so you have something to look forward to? Take care. |
I'm trying to find things in my life to distract from therapy and my T. I can do that, but I find that the best way is for me to really concentrate on accepting the reality of the therapeutic relationship.
Today I'm sad that my T can't be my friend. If she were, then she would have replied to my comments during the session. They were questions, but I didn't point blank ask them. It was triggering because I don't have the right to know the answers. My T would make a good friend for me, and I hate that we're friendly but can't be friends.
I hate that she couldn't think of something to tell me about herself when I asked for something "new" that I didn't know. I didn't want to know that she got a new computer, but something I didn't know about HER. I know it's my problem, the boundary thing again. But it's so hard to sit with someone week after week for 4 years, and not have a reciprocal relationship. I hate that fact more than anything, but I have to accept it. I bet I COULD find something new on FB or google, but I'm not going to.
I'm doing a small art project now, when I can get myself off this forum for a few minutes.
I'm okay, just in a crummy mood. I've had several other disappointments this week, which didn't help matters. I still like/love my T; she's doing her best with me and I know I'm challenging. She even told me that once.