Just signed up today on this forum. I'm having a difficult time with events I experienced last year, and a few years before leading up to it. It's affected my job, I lost a promotion and have missed a lot of work. I've seen 4 therapists and 2 psychiatrists, half of both were pretty good. But, I'm still not dealing that well. My last therapist is very well known and has a very good track record and reviews. She did a complete mental eval, and I'm apparently complicated.

Not sure where to direct this on this forum. My story is too long for one post but here are the highlights:

- Overall I have high anxiety and depression caused by a significant breakdown last spring involving my mother and my son. My mother was emotionally abusive to me as a child, but I thought I'd gotten over it 30 years ago.

- In 2009 I experienced serious marriage issues and coping mechanisms from my childhood surfaced, leaving me with extreme guilt. The marriage got very bad, and family issues also happened -- at the same time.

- After my breakdown, I became involved with a woman who logically I know I do not love, or am compatible with. But I suddenly felt love for her despite the fact she was lying to me and an alcoholic. I separated from my wife last summer and left home to see this woman. But it was horrible. So last November I decided I would never see her again.

- But to this day I catch myself with obsessive thoughts and hypothetical conversations I would have with her. It's crazy because this person I'm in love with does not even exist, it's the idealization of her.

So why do I keep obsessing and longing? It's driving me nuts. I have a healthy family, good friends, great job, more than anyone could ask for, and have never felt emotionally weak in my life. But life sucks... why?