I can say the same thing...lol...I have all this good stuff in my life but I don't know what joy is....I think it is because all the trauma in my past is robbing me of it. until I deal with it, I will never be happy. my therapist assures me that it will all be ok one day, we just have hard work ahead of us. it all just sucks.......working thru it, the memories........take care.