I've been in therapy over 20 years and have a history of crushes on both men and women before I began. I transfered those feelings to my Ts and became what I call "addicted" to therapy for that reason. So I identify with wanting to stop but being unable to. It truly feels like an addiction to me.

My previous Ts haven't been able to help. I mostly went from one T to another except for a break of about 10 years, and I'm not sure how I was able to do that, but I did. I was preoccupied with my kids and work during that time, so maybe that was it.

My most recent T who I saw for about 6 years, told me when I finally quit to see my current T, that she was sorry she couldn't help me with my attachment problems. My current T does Internal Family Systems, EMDR, and SE (somatic experiencing). Her way is to use other methods than talk therapy to help me. The main technique we are doing now is that she holds my hand at each session, for about 5 or 10 minutes, because that has always felt safe to me. The goal is to internalize the good feeling so my nervous system will become calm and I won't need my T. Nothing else has worked, so I am giving this a try! For a while, I didn't think about her, and I know I've made progress even though right now I'm having a bit of a setback.

I want to stop. I don't want to be dysfunctional like this. But I don't know how, and another part of me doesn't want me to stop the obsession. It likes all the fantasies, and sexual pleasure.
That's exactly how I feel! Part of me wants to stop, and part likes it too much. Real life doesn't compare to therapy, and I think that's the problem.

Do you have relationships in Real Life that can give you some of what you want from your T? It's probably not totally sexual, but a combination of wanting what you think your T can give you. Unfortunately, our Ts can never give us what we're missing, but they can help. What does your T suggest?

I know many Ts won't touch clients unless they're trained in somatic therapy, but it is an option if you think touch in therapy would help.