I know how you feel. I've become so used to s--t and abuse the kindness can feel foreign. I'm starting to get more used to it now and it feels nice.

I can't have him even pretend to be annoyed at me right now, because I'll totally dissociate. I'm still too vulnerable. A couple of months into my therapy I thought he was mad at me and I completely dissociated. I could barely walk out of the session when it was over because I was so disoriented. 6 days later I was in the hospital for being suicidal.

I am super, super sensitive to the slightest hint of disapproval: facial expressions, body language, vocal tones are hyper-vigilantly observed. I think I really have to chill out, lol.