I've battled depression my whole life tho I wasn't dx until 1996 at age 26. I live with bp depression. I was in the hospitals iop program and left it about 7 weeks ago. During that time my mom's cancer got really bad and she died June 16th.

When I was at the hospital.they increased by anti depressant by 10mg. I started to feel really good even tho my mom was sick. My mom and I had a hard relationship. She was emotionally abusive and didn't show me any kind of love. There are things I loved about my mom but the relationship was rough. Even while she was dying she wasn't very nice to me. Her passing has been hard on me nonetheless.

My father lacks love, compassion and is also emotionally abusive towards me. Since she died he has gotten 10x worse than before. I know he's grieving too but he has always been really mean to me anyways. Nothing new. So I'm wondering what you all think of my situation...I'm back to feeling so depressed. Those good feelings I got back at the hospital are now gone. I'm desperate. I so want those feelings back! I'm sad about my mom and I've been grieving but at the same time I feel relieved that I don't have to be put down by her anymore.

Is what I'm feeling normal? I know what my depression feels like and this is it. Her death caused me to go hypomanic then I crashed big time. I know meds only go so far but I'm tempted to increase my anti depressant on my own. Any thoughts on my situation? I.just really feel lost and I need some support. Thanks for reading my long winded post.