Hey, Dahdal, and welcome to Psych Central! I'm sorry your plans didn't work out. It certainly sounds like you gave it your best shot. Not many people ever make it as far as you did.

I definitely think you are depressed and need to see a therapist. Living a "Plan B" life can work out well. Many folks don't reach their initial dreams but find another path that satisfies them. And I think you will, too.